Long time no see!

I haven't posted in quite awhile! I have been writing though. Here is a reflection that I started on November 12th:

I’m sitting at my computer, trying to work on homework, with a raging apartment behind me. It’s Paula’s birthday, so she, Vicente, las niñas, Eva, Tania, and Pilar are here for lunch. The niñas have literally gone insane. Off the wall. And, with the prospect of balloons and tarta, they are nuts. Screaming and running around. One literally went through my drawer to find my expensive set of watercolors to paint the balloons. Fortunately, I found her before she started and could completely destroy them. Hopefully they are going to play en la calle soon.

The birthday was really wonderful. We had lunch, which was a special Gallician dish. Pilar had planned for it all week and was working on it all morning. Cerdo, a leafy green from up that way she asked for special from the market, and a soup. A really fun, intimate close family gathering. The atmosphere in the apartment was so homey with anticipation, just like I feel for any of my family member’s birthdays. I’m writing this a little after the fact, but it’s not really important now what we talked about, more that I felt so welcomed into this special family time. I feel I understand the quirks, both good and bad, of the family. Pilar serves the food, even after slaving away all morning, proud of her cooking and making sure everyone gets more than enough, serving me even before the birthday girl, Eva is very helpful to her mom and rolls her eyes at the drama of her girls, Paola semi-complains that there are onions in the salad, Vicente, when things get a little to hot, makes jokes sometimes in English and laughs, the ninas refuse to eat anything but cake but agree to eat ten more bites while having their eyes glued to the tv, and Tania finally comes to the table a minute or two after we start. I felt welcomed into the family, though of course not when Pilar singles me out wondering why her daughters don’t help, appreciate, and eat like I do. And we had a delicious bought cake that was so moist. I’m not even sure what the flavor is. I proposed we should take pictures, which started a frenzy. Of course, there was Pilar, insisting they take a bunch with me in them. The day before, I did stress about getting Paola a gift. I didn’t want to get her something just because I felt I had to, but because she and her husband were so nice to me my first weekend here. I got her coffee and some chocolates to eat with it because she loves coffee. She even bought a nice machine to leave at her mom’s for when she visits, which is maybe once every month, if that. So I know she is a coffee person. I think Pilar was even more touched by my gift than Paola was. She was like, “Elisa, no you didn’t! She deserves an applause.” After all the festivities were done, the feeling in the air was like after Thanksgiving dinner. There is love in the air and everyone feels fuzzy and sleepy.

Even so, I have not been sleeping well. I mean, we’re all tired all the time, right? Wrong. I will go to bed, not be able to fall asleep, and then literally dose all night. For 8-9 hours. And feel exhausted in the morning, but can’t sleep anymore even if I am able to sleep in. I can’t even sleep for la siesta! Laid in bed for an hour and a half the other day when I was so tired from not sleeping during the night, and still couldn’t sleep. I think it all started the other day when I was actually sleeping and was shaken awake by a horrible dream. It was as if I went to sleep here in my bed and woke up in my bed at home. It was the scariest dream. I hadn’t done everything I wanted, and the worst part being that I didn’t say goodbye to Pilar. I tried to wake myself up from that dream, but it didn’t work. And I kept trying and trying, but I was home like nothing happened. Finally I woke myself up really, but it was like I was still in my dream. My heart was racing.

I have realized I really do not have that much time left here, which has made me incredibly sad. I have a really nice relationship with Pilar, so I am worried about what kind of relationship we will have when I leave. Nothing? Like nothing happened? I have wanted to talk with her about it because I know I can, but things have been a little crazy here. She wasn’t here Thursday, I wasn’t here yesterday. Hopefully I will talk with her soon about it.

There was a big international short film festival in Alcala this past week. I went one night but wish I could have gone more. It was really fun, and the movies were very inspiring. Some super serious, some very “vanguardia”, and some hilariously shallow.

I also went to el rastro on Sunday, which is said to be the biggest fleamarket in Europe. The market used to be a meat market. El rastro, meaning stain, refers to the blood stain left by the animal carcasses being dragged down the hill. From what we had read in guide books, the stalls open at 8, and all the diehards go early. So, leaving my house a little before 8 on Sunday, we arrived at the fleamarket by 9:30. Or what we thought was the location of the market. There really wasn’t too much to see. Some stalls setting up. So we wondered around for a couple hours, trying to find the center, and finally returning to the same place to a bustling market! Of course no one goes at 8 o’clock. It’s Spain! People could still be out partying from the night before at 8 on a Sunday morning. What was I thinking? Have I not learned anything? Lots of cool stuff though. Bought lots of Christmas presents! And, although I was sick, I pushed through it to experience another thing on my list.

This weekend was a crazy weekend! With all of the family over at once, birthday celebrations, Alcalá film festival, el rastro. So many things! Although I was really sad last night and Friday, I am glad I was able to do things this weekend. I have definitely scrapped the idea of going to northern Spain this weeened, although I would realy like to go. I know that if I go, I will not have a weekend here in Alcala for a month, and the next one would be my last here. Can’t do that. Spain, you better invite me back!

PS.
Ohhh Pilar… You are just the best Spanish host mom a girl could hope for. To go to el rastro, at 7 this morning, I woke up to her still bustling around the kitchen from last night. I was so out of it, sick, and unable to speak Spanish at that hour that I waited for her to go to bed. Quietly tip toeing around the apartment, while making my morning coffee, I came upon a bag of churros on the kitchen table and a note from Pilar saying that she bought them for Tania and me if we wanted them for breakfast. Pilar went out, danced all night, had a craving for churros, waited until they were open, and bought enough to bring home for all of us to eat breakfast. She still kept her daughter and me in mind during her night out on the town. What a lady.